Self-Centered Co-Parenting: Managing the Uncooperative Co-Parent by Bird Kathleen

Author:Bird, Kathleen [Bird, Kathleen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-03-25T16:00:00+00:00

ANALYST

Evaluates using

linear thinking (logic).

Data driven.

VISIONARY

The big picture and

how things might be

TASKMASTER

Task-oriented.

Steps and

who performs them.

SOCIALITE

Connection and

positive interaction.

Conversing with someone who does not share the same thinking preferences requires additional effort and input to make sure communication is effective. While a right-brain processor may crave some understanding and enthusiasm about an idea from a left-brain processor, the left-brain processor needs some understanding that time for analysis and procedure development is also important. While a left-brain processor may assume a decision is just about specifying the procedure to accomplish a task, the right-brain processor needs to feel like a respected team member instead of an underling being ordered around. Incompatible needs both require accommodation to avoid the frustration that leads to disconnecting from the conversation.

There are also differences with peoples’ thinking styles when they operate out of the same hemisphere of their brain. For example, left-brain processors who are more analytical are easily annoyed with left-brain processors who put a priority on completion of task and compliance with rules. One wants time to evaluate all the upsides and downsides and the other wants to delegate and get on with things.

Thinking preferences can give us some idea on what a parent may focus on in a discussion about selecting a sports activity for their child’s participation. The Analyst may focus on the cost and benefit for the child. The Visionary may focus on how this creates future opportunities for the child. The Socialite may be most concerned about how the child will be involved as a team player and treated as an individual. The Taskmaster will assemble information about the practice and game schedule, who will take care of equipment, and how transportation will be handled.

When we are still in an intimate relationship we tend to think this clash in thinking styles is just a lack of caring, disrespect or worse. As the intimacy between co-parents decreases it will become easier to look at the differences dispassionately and develop the patience and willingness required to communicate more fully.

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